Alyena

She is my alter ego

Fit, Sexy, Powerful, Strong

The kinda girl I am when I leave him at home-

The woman I wanna be once I am free to grow

It’s like my life now,

Consists of nappies and sour milk

Hands even after washed stink like shit

And yeah theas laughs and his growing touches my heart

But in order to stay sane-

I have to fight to not let myself go

Fight- the fact my brain feels like mush

Ground Hog Day

Ground Hog day

For a young single mum

And every so often I get a glimpse of freedom

That I can have a taste of but not the whole cup

Cause when the clock strikes, I have to get back home

To mum mode

I wonder why I bothered to go out at all

Juggling uni and the terrible two’s

In a new city I’m Just passing

But hay C’s get degrees and

The alternative is not an option,

Living on a benefit that will support me single

But then gets opinionated when I start to have a relationship

Like they’ll be my lively hood as long as I comply

And I didn’t start this alone- you know

No- not a stupid girl that didn’t use a condom

Me and ma son’s father have love

We just don’t get along

Due to factors we can’t control

Like the lack of funds to get by

And a society that gives the woman incentives to leave

They say I can’t blame anybody

LMAO- now I’m laughing my ass of cause that shit is funny

Cause we’re not the only ones

It is the same old story

The stress of a young family

I used to be judgmental-

But now I understand what kind of stress would push

Someone to shake a baby

And I’m not saying that’s healthy

Cause it isn’t

Poor, brown and angry

We know there’s more resources for

Consequence and not for solution

She- is my alter ego that puts up a fist for revolution

And preys for some space to just be

But at the moment no one pays attention

Because I don’t have a piece of paper to certify I’m brilliant

Or even hirable

And I want to work and be a good citizen

But for now the debt keeps mounting,

With the obstacles of getting funds

On the DPB I can see why someone would let it get them

But I can’t let it get me

So I just hold on and keep working

And working

And gripping

Feels like having a baby young

Means you may as well dig your own grave

But if we weren’t so money orientated

I can’t help but wonder if I’d feel this way in the first place

There so much to say but still you don’t say nothing and talk

Talent rare

But still it’s in you

So common use your intuition-

Turn off the playstation- because its time to pay attention

Pimp out the skills you need for this

All you need- to pick up your guts

White tshirt fade got them all blue chux

Suit up

He is one of them brothers hanging on the corner- drinking

System thumping spitting- in the rain

One of them brothers knows the mission and sticks too it

Even when others going under the table with cupid

Still it all gets a jumble sometimes

The nature of the creature

Is to rumble

With like minds

And when they throw their fists

It burns- vicious

Then the fire dies-

It’s finished

Brothers- somebody’s baby in a moment

Somebody’s baby- struggling inwardly outwardly urbanally

Face the day for the day firmly faithfully –hope

Hanging by a thread

And it don’t stop

Once respectful to the law –now hates the cops

It’s a brown skin mentality

But my mama didn’t raise me like this

She told me be extraordinary

Now- hold tight for motion sickness as the boat rocks

When your fire flickers,

Suddenly I can’t find my rock

Then, there’s always time for throwing up and toking up

Middle fingers we be throwing up

Still they getting there’s and we start slowing up

Strong minds stagnate like this,

But my father didn’t raise me like this

He taught me discipline

But how do I keep motivated when there’s no direction

Looking for home

Trying to find the strength to walk this path alone